It all began on another blog. Since then, Spy has developed a following. This blog is dedicated to those followers.

*

The Original Post. March. 2009.

*

From the actions and behaviors my youngest son spontaneously engages in, I have concluded that secreted in his room is a book entitled Training For Espionage at the Pre-K Level.

Skills include, but are not limited to:

1) Physical Concealment. At the tender age of two, he began employing floor-length curtains. For up to fifteen minutes at a time, he would stand motionless and silent as we called his name. Threats elicited no response. Sounds of a panicked mother searching the house produced no response. We quickly began searching outside, worried that our youngest might have escaped into a nearby construction zone. At last, at the end of his fifteen minute training period, he jumped out with a ‘Ta-Da!’. We’ve since learned to look behind curtains.

2) Evasive Driving. This is where an older brother comes in handy. Point your scooter/tricycle at him, accelerate in said older brother’s direction, but turn only when collision is imminent. Repeat mercilessly.

3) Money Transfer. While your older brother is sleeping and your parents are downstairs, tip-toe into his room. Remove all coins from his piggy-bank and transfer those coins to your own piggy bank. Deny all knowledge the next morning.

4) Moving About Silently. Our youngest routinely sneaks about the house undetected. No one else can get down the stairs without the creaking of floorboards. More on this later.

5) Darkness Provides Cover. At the tender age of four, he moves through dark rooms without the slightest hesitation. When he begins insisting on an all-black wardrobe, we’ll know we’re in serious trouble.

6) Concealment of Objects. On recent morning – 10 minutes before we HAD to go out of the door – my youngest announced he could not find his shoes. A frantic search followed. Four people searching could not find them. We had to put him in some old, outgrown shoes of his brother’s for the day. And the day after that. Two days later I found the shoes – they were propped on the radiator behind long curtains. When questioned, he produced a cute and disarming smile, “Yes, that’s where they are. YOU had to find them.”

7) Secure Entryways. This past summer my youngest began placing tape across a door to tell if someone had come through or not. I’m not kidding. So far as I’m aware, he figured this out on his own.

8. Physical Training and Self-Defense. My four year old will routinely put on his shoes and run laps around the house. He also beats up his eight year old brother daily just to stay in practice.

9) Plant Objects. My youngest often slips things into our clothing while we’re in it. By jumping on his father and tickling him, he was able to distract his father while secreting five separate pieces of Lego in: pockets, shoes, and socks. Husband found these objects much later.

10) Weaponry. Four year old has snuck down a hallway with a handful of plastic marbles, sliding sideways against the wall to avoid detection, and launched them at his unsuspecting mother. My husband bought the boys Nerf guns this winter – youngest enjoys the target practice. When father and brother are not available, he substitutes pets.

11) Capture and Contain. Soon after we moved into this house the past summer, our youngest began locking himself in his room – and us out. My husband turned the doorknob around so that we could (hypothetically) lock our youngest in. Not too much later, grandma came to visit. We gave my husband the night off and my mother and I set about getting the boys to bed. Our youngest, recognizing an opportunity when it presented itself, noticed that his mother, his grandmother AND his brother were all in his room, slammed the door shut and locked us in. We banged. We yelled. My youngest laughed. Assuming this was the noise of ‘getting the boys to bed’, my husband blissfully ignored us all. Eventually, our youngest took pity and released the locking mechanism.

12) Disarm with Charm. He gets himself out of trouble with an adorable and innocent grin coupled with wide blue eyes, a look he can pull off at the drop of a hat. This works amazingly well with strangers. Particularly little old ladies.

To date, this is all the pre-K spy training of which we have become aware. Since we have not yet located his training manuel, we are certain there is much more yet to come. We suspect the use of electronic devices will surface in the near future.

*